Writing picture books for young readers is harder than most people think it is. You have 32 pages - less when you factor in title page, copyright, and acknowledgements - to tell a complete story in only 1000 words. You want to write a story with a relatable main character that your young readers can relate to, and that their parents will accept as a role model. In 1000 words or less you need a full beginning, middle, and end compelling enough to inspire illustrators, agents, and publishers - as well as educate and inspire your target audience. And it as to be something your readers will want to come back to again and again if you hope to sell anything after that.
There are plenty of books on the craft of writing, and tons of resources and workshops on how do all of the above, but my personal favorite for learning the basics of writing your first rough draft and fortifying your revisions is L
"Writing Picture Books" by Ann Whitford Paul. This book is an excellent source for first time picture book writers to learn the vocabulary of writing for young listeners too small to read. Ann Witford Paul offers loads of helpful suggestions for learning how to think like a picture book author.
In her book "Writing Picture Books" Paul introduces you to the vocabulary of picture book writing as well as best practices for rough drafts and revision.
Picture books are short fun and compact. So very very compact! There are things you need to consider when writing for kids that you may not think about when writing for adults - such as the reading level of your target audience, the energy of your book (Is this a high energy story full of dancing and adventure? Or is this a low energy bedtime story?)
Paul has written and successfully published all these different types of picture books, and she offers writing tips on ways to read picture books like a writer, and what to bring with you (mentally) to a writing conference.
I have incorporated may these suggestions into picture book breakdowns. Feel free to check them out. And if you're interested in Writing Picture, please use my Amazon link to get a copy of your own. It really helps me out!
Thank you for taking the time to visit my page! Let's get's started.
Bruce was a bear who lived all by himself.He was a grump.PT
P5: He did not like sunny days.He did NOT like rain.
P6: He did not like cute little animals.PT
P7: Bruce only liked one thing - eggs!He collected them from all over the forest.“Good morning Mrs. Sparrow . . . “
(Goal: Get eggs)
An excellent and captivating intro.And a bear that behaves like a bear?In a Disney product?What?
P8: But Bruce didn’t eat eggs raw like other bears.Instead, he cooked them into fancy recipes that he found on the internet.PT
(Obstacle:Cooking eggs thus finding recipes)
author/ ill Ryan T. Higgins
P9:One day Bruce came across a recipe for hard-boiled goose eggs drizzled with honey - salmon sauce.So we went out to get the ingredients.
(Disaster:Finds excellent recipe
Reaction: Desire
Dilemma: Doesn’t have the ingredients.
Decision: Goes shopping.)
ACT II.
(New Goal: Get all the ingredients to make the new recipe)
P10: First, he caught a few salmon.
Then he collected honey from a local beehive.He liked to support local business, you see.
Last, he went to Mrs. Goose’s nest to pay her a visit.“Are these eggs free-range organic?”PT
P11: At home, Bruce prepared the eggs for hard-boiling.
P12: But the fire in his stove fizzled.So he went out to get more wood.When Bruce came back, he was met with an unwelcome surprise.PT
(Obstacle: Oven not hot enough.)
P13:MAMA!
(Disaster:The main ingredient hatched!)
P14:Bruce became the victim of mistaken identity.PT
P15:Bruce wanted hard-boiled eggs.Not goslings.
(Reaction: Shock and Disappointment)
P16: He supposed he could settle for buttered goslings on toast… but for some reason, he lost his appetite.PT
(Dilemma: Eat or get rid of them?)
P17: Bruce scooped up the little geese and stomped back to their nest….
“I will have to ask Mrs. Goose about her return policy.
Only to find Mrs. Goose had flown south early.
“Be back in April, Mother Goose.
Poor traumatized Mama Goose.I still appreciate the bear being a bear, but I also sympathize with a mama loosing her whole nest moments before they are due to hatch.
(Decision: Get rid of them)
ACT II
(New Goal: Get rid of goslings.)
P18: Bruce left the goslings there anyway and went back home. PT
P19:But he was followed.“Mama?”“Mama?”
(Obstacle:Goslings have imprinted on him and won’t leave.)
P20: Bruce was very stern and said things like: “Go away” And “I’m not your mother!”And also “I likedyou better when you were eggs!”PT
P21: Bruce could take I no longer and became EXTRAgrumpy with them.“ROAR!”
P22:Ill
P23: “It didn’t work. Goslings always follow their mother even if she is a HE and HE is a bear.“Mama?”
P24:Ill
(Disaster: Nothing he does works.)
P25: Bruce was stuck with them.
(Reaction: Acceptance)
(Dillema: Make the best of it?)
P26: He tried to make the best of it.
P27: It was hard work.
P28: As the seasons passed Bruce watched the pesky goslings grow older
(Decision: So he tries to make the best of it until fall)
The pesky thing about a character like Bruce is that he is a passive character in his own story.The other character act on him to the point that it appears that he isn’t making choices.Really the implied choice int he adult mind would be for him to eat them.But this is a Disney story and no harm can come to these goslings.So without their mother out of the picture he has no choice but to tough it out.
Does anyone in the comments have any advice for writing a intriguing passive character?Do you have sympathyfor Bruce at this point in the story?
ACT III
P29: Ill
P30: Then one fall afternoon he saw other goose families flying south.Finally, he’d be rid of those geese, and he could take a long winter nap.
(New Goal:Get the adult geese to fly away so he can hibernate.)
I find it interesting that after months of raising these goslings to adulthood he still hasn’t had that touching moment for him to want to keep them.Not in the story anyway, but his expression towards them do soften in the illustrations.In fact a lot of the pathos in this story comes across in the illustrations.Its a form of irony that only picture books can pull off.
P30: Bruce explained migration.
P31: But they didn’t listen.
(Obstacle:They don’t want to leave. And don’t know how to fly.)
P32: Bruce needed the geese to leave so he got creative.
P33 - 34: Nothing worked.The geese would not leave Bruce.
(Disaster: Nothing works
A lot of the humor is also in the illustrations.So this story, despite it’s wordiness does not work as well without the illustrations.
P35: sigh
(Reaction: Dismay)
(Dilemma: What to do?).
(Decision: Take them south himself!)
P35: So Bruce decided to pack some bags and take his geese into town.
P36: They boarded a bus . . .
P37: . . . And migrated to Miami.
P38: Now every winter Bruce and geese head south together.They laze about at the beach in tacky shirts, sipping ice-cold lemonade, while Bruce dreams of new recipes- recipes that don’t hatch!
P39: Mama?
P40: Ill
MY TAKE AWAY
It was hard to parcel out the scenes in this one but there are at least three!I think I nailed them - tell me what you think in the comments.The “dilemmas” are hard to pin down because Bruce’s motivation stays pretty consistent throughout.He wants to be rid of the goslings.His only dilemma is really “should I eat them or raise them?”A picture book won’t let Bruce eat or abandon baby birds so he doesn’t really have a choice about that.His only choices are what else can he do to make them “want” to leave.
As I mentioned all of the emotional shifts are shown through facial expressions and the things Bruce does with the goslings - not through the story itself.If all we had to go onwere our imaginations and the words you could imagine that he just locked them in a cage for a few months and hoped for the best, instead of the gosling daycare he appears to have started in his home. Also much of the humor occurs in the background.Read over the skeleton again and then look at the pictures.You’ll probably laugh out loud at the differences.I sure did.
Some of the reviews I read reacted in shock and horror at the violence Bruce seems to be involved with at the beginning.First he harasses a sparrow for her eggs, then the mother goose.I, with my preference for dark humor and accuracy in telling stories about nature, approved of it!Bruce is a bear!Bears are omnivorous.Folks forget that bears are actually dangerous because we portray them in books and movies as cuddly and kind.I liked Bruce right away for being casually aggressive over eggs. It’s as though Ryan T. Higgins, the writer, thought about creating a bear that was the perfect opposite of Winnie the Pooh.And Disney seems to have approved too because The Mouse bought the whole series.
As an author/illustrator Higgins is able to do a lot on one page.Much of the movement and conversation happened on multiple panels like a graphic novel.Definitely an excellent book for illustration study.Though it made it kind of difficult to do the breakdown.For a moment I thought I’d messed up the page numbers and had to go back and record the “page turns” to make sure I hadn’t missed anything.
I was charmed by Bruce and his grumpiness.Since I’m working on a series myself I’ll read and privately breakdown the next three “Mother Bruce Books”.However, I will only publish this one - theflagship book.I want to study a few successful series books.So next will be my “Comp Books” or comparison books that are most likemy Jasmine Smalls Detective series.Then I’ll take a little break from working on this blog to see about polishing my own work with what I’ve learned here, as wellas working on my queries and such.
BUT FIRST!!! The Bedroom Breakdown.
This is where I go to read this lovely story to my little girl and see if the experience changes my prospective.I already like this book so it’ll be interesting to see what she has to say about it.
THE BEDTIME BREAKDOWN!
To my surprise my daughter reacted strongly to the casual violence I mentioned earlier.She frowned and cried about the bear taking the eggs from the Sparrow and the Mother Goose.She was also upset that he would try to eat the goslings anyway.
Of course I knew that he wouldn’t, and was a amused that they actually entertained the idea because it’s how a bear would act.But my daughter is new to story and this is herfirst bear to act like a real predator.
While my husband and I got a lot of entertainment out of thevisual humor of the story, there was a lot I had to explain to my daughter, or just say “you’ll get it when you’re older”.
That does not make this a bad book at all.It was a teaching tool.We told her bears eat anything and are not friendly little cuddle muffins.But it took a few more pages of reading for her to warm up to him again - around where he and the goslings are painting is where her smile came back.
I’ve rented the whole series from the library and there are a few books meant for younger readers: “1 Grumpy Bruce” and “Peeka-Bruce” are both board books that she enjoyed with non of the violence that upset her.For slightly older kids who are ready for stories there is “Bruce’s Big Fun Day”, “Spring Stinks” and “Thanks for Nothing!”All three of which my daughter enjoyed.Though Bruce stays in character as a grumpy boy for the remainder of the series, he doesn’t get “violent” again in any of the other books.I still appreciate the tension of knowing that Bruce is a bear who behaves like a bear. His neighbors must know when he’s full and satisfied before they come around bugging him.
We’ll have to wait a couple of years and try “Mother Bruce” again but I’m sure older kids who understand irony will get a kick out of it.
This concludes my breakdown.If you like this book and want to support the author/illustrator Ryan T. Higgins please check it out or make a purchase from your local library.
To learn more about Ryan T. Higgins check this out!
PUBLISHED BY: SIMON & SCHUSTER BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS
YEAR: 2017
AGE: 4+
PAGES: 34
A lot of author/illustrators lean heavily on their art to tell their stories.Often they leave pages without words allowing the pictures to move the plot. Jessie Sima is an author with the skills to illustrate their ideas allowing them to create a whole story on their own.But I think Sima does a pretty good job of maintaining a balance of words and art in this book.
To demonstrate this let’s take the story away from the artwork and break it down. I’mgoing to try something new from now on.I’m going to label the parts of the scene as I go along to study how scene structure works with pacing of successful picture books.Follow along with me and see if you agree with my labels.
P1: Copyright
P2: Title Page
P3 - P4: Kelp was born deep in the ocean.
P5: He knew early on the he was different from the other narwhals.His tusk wasn’t as long as everyone else’s.He had different tastes in food.
(Goal: be like the others)
P6:and he wasn’t a very good swimmer.
P7 - P8: But his friends didn’t seem to mind, so Kelp decided he wouldn’t either.
(Obstacle: not minding that you’re not like the others)
author/ill Jessie Sima
Four pages to introduce our main character is about right.I’ve observed that a lot of the successful picture books we’ve studied have their mc fully introduced before page ten.Something to work on if you, like me, are trying to get a picture book published. The writer also, in very few words, and very short sentences gives us a sense of the mc’s struggle and his personality as well a sense of just how little he knows about himself (calling his horn a tusk and all that).This works well even without the illustrations.
P9-P10: That is, until he was swept away by a strong current.“I wish I were a better swimmer!”
(Disaster: If only I was like the others!)
P11: Kelp found himself at the surface, closer to land than he’d ever been before.
P12: High up on a cliff he spotted a mysterious, sparkling creature.It looked so familiar.It looked like . . . . Kelp!
P13: Kelp swam towards land as fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast at all, hoping that he could catch up with the creature that looked just like him.
(Reaction: What is this new thing?)
P14: When he finally reached the shore, Kelp felt a little bit anxious - he hd never left the ocean.He was nervous about walking for the first time, but the land creatures made it look so easy!
(Dilliema: Do I turn back and continue as I’ve been? Or do I try something new?)
P15: “Off”. It wasn’t.“Ow.”
P16: Eventually he got the hand of it.
(Decision: Try something new. )
P17: Everything on land was strange and beautiful - but also kind of scary.
(New Goal: Because I tried something new I should try to find that creature)
End of scene marks the beginning of ACT II
P18: Kelp began to think he might never find the creature that looked just like him.But as he stumbled out of the forest . . . PT (Obstacle: Doubt.)
P19: LAND NARWHALS!
P20: “Actually, we’re unicorns.And, by the looks of I, so are you!”
(Disaster:He finds not one but many! And learns something new about himself!)
P21: Kelp had never heard of unicorns before.They taught him all sorts of new things about his tusk.“We call them horns.”“Wow!”
They introduced him to unicorn delicacies,
P22: and they showed him how to gallop.There was no doubt that Kelp was, in fact, a unicorn.He was having so much fun that he didn’t want to leave. PT
(Reaction: Self-discovery)
P23: But then he remembered all of his friends under the sea.
(Dilliema: Homesickness; Should I stay or should I go?)
P24: Kelp missed them terribly, so he said good-bye to the unicorns and returned to the ocean. “Come back soon!” PT
(Decision: Return home a new person!)
End of Scene 2 beginning of ACT III
P25 Kelp swam towards home as fast as he could, which wasn’t very fast at all, hoping that he narwhals would still like him now that he was a unicorn.
(New Goal: Seek acceptance from my old friends.). Note of repeating here.It’s not Gold mark of threes but it still works very nicely.
P26: When he finally arrived, Kelp had butterflies in his stomach.“Kelp!”“Welcome home!”
(Obstacle:Nervous to speak)
P27: Kelp took a deep breath and told his friends the news.“It turns out … I’m not a narwhal!”“Of course you aren’t.”
P28: “I’m. Unicorn!”“We all knew that.”They took it quite well.PT
(Disaster: They already knew and accepted him right away.No need to leave home forever. But probably tones of questions about no body every mentioned this before!)
29: Kelp was happy to be home, but now that he’d experienced life on land with the unicorns he couldn’t seem to forget them.
(Reaction: He’s torn between two homes that accept him for who and what he is.)
P30: Did he want to be a land narwhal with the unicorns . . . Or a sea unicorn with the narwhals?Kelp couldn’t decide.But then he realized that maybe . . . PT
(Dillema: Does he go off to live with own kind?Or stay with the people that raised him from birth?)
P31-P32: just maybe…
P33-P34 he didn’t have to choose.
(Picture book ending of not having to choose because kids.)
Three full beautiful scenes in three full beautiful ACTs.
It’s important to note, for those who don’t know that the term “disaster” is used in the scene writing as the big release of tension that was built up by the goal and obstacles.It doesn’t always have to be bad such as here were the disasters were really very good and just flooded the story with rainbows.
Go back through your own stories and mark the scenes as I’ve done here.Do your beats land in roughly the same page counts?Do you have three full complete scenes?Remember word count, and pages are still very important.
MY TAKEAWAY
WOW!A coming out story, a coming of age story, a pretty message about acceptance wrapped in a sweet candy coated package that some parents can over look and ignore if they wish to.It is always so heartwarming to see a fish out of water find the feathers he should flock with.
It reminds me of the first time my friends and I attended a “nerd convention”.It was Anime Weekend Atlanta (aka AWA) in Georgia.We were the only three anime nerds in her high school, and until we’d met each other we’d been alone in our various fandoms.So to go to such a place where people were not only celebrating the very shows we were picked on for liking back home -to see people personifying our favorite characters; to be welcomed and celebrated just for being there was like finding a secret paradise of unicorns in the wood - magical!It was such an amazing feeling, I wish it on anyone.
The whole scene were Kelp comes out of the woods and discovers a world of beings that are like himself is what unicorn magic is all about.They teach him how to be himself, how to love himself, and set him free to be happy. He takes his new identity home to his old friends not sure how they will take this new discovery.It’s a glorious story.I wish more people had Kelp’s experience.
The illustrations do add a lot to the story but as you’ve seen they are not necessary for understanding the plot.They enhance but do not tell the story.In this Jesse Sima proves to be a unicorn as well.
Next up the Bedtime Breakdown where I read this lovely little story to my two year old and see how it changes my perspective on the story.
BEDTIME BREAKDOWN
She was super tired while we read this one to be honest.She did identify the narwhale as being the same as one of her favorite stuffed animals.And squealed at the big reveal of the unicorn paradise.I realized that this was her first unicorn experience as she stared at all the rainbows with dazzled eyes and tried to hug the book.Girls and their rainbows, I swear!
I don’t think she’s old enough to get much out of the story though.Do you have a older kid between four and eight?Please comment below of their reaction to this lovely story!
If you like this story please consider supporting the creator by purchasing from your favorite local bookstore.You can find more information about Jessie Sima here.
And more about me by checking my main site: pbyeary.com.Thanks for stopping by.
